Monday ----
8:05 am
User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password
retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me
and hang up. Gees, we let users vote and drive, too?
8:12 am
Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database.
Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for me." Let
them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffee maker from their UPS and plugged
their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more
happy customer.
8:14 am
User from 8:05 call said they received error message "Error accessing Drive 0."
Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to Microsupport.
11:00 am
Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decided to plug support phone back
in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this
weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down
in basement. What is she thinking? The "Mist" and "Doom"
nationals are this weekend!
11:34 am
Another user calls (do they ever learn?). Says they want ACL changed on
HR performance review database so that nobody but HR can access database.
Tell them "No Problem." Hang up. Change ACL. Add @MailSend
so performance reviews are sent to */US.
12:00 pm
Lunch
3:30 pm
Return from lunch.
3:55 pm
Wake up from nap. Bad dreams make me cranky. Bounce servers for
no reason. Return to napping.
4:23 pm
Yet another user (from sales) calls. Wants to know how to change fonts
on form. Ask them what chip set they're using. Tell them to call
back when they find out.
4:55 pm
Decide to run "Create 'Save/Replication' Conflicts" macro so next shift has
something to do.
Tuesday ----
8:30 am
Finish reading support log from last night. Sounded busy.
Terrible time with 'Save/Replication' conflicts.
9:00 am
Support manager arrives. Wants to discuss my attitude. Click on
"PhoneNotes" SmartIcon. "Love to, but kinda busy. Put something
on the calendar database!" I yell as I grab for the support lines which have
(mysteriously) lit up. Walks away grumbling.
9:35 am
Team leader from R&D needs ID for new employee. Tell them they need
form J-19R=9C9\\DARR\K1. Say they never heard of such a form.
Tell them it's in the SPECIAL FORMS database. Say they never heard of
such a database. Transfer them to janitorial closet in basement.
10:00 am
Perky sounding intern from R&D calls and says she needs new ID. Tell
her I need employee number, department name, manager name and marital status.
Run @DBLookup against databases for state parole board, CDC and Jerry Springer's
guests. No hits! Tell her ID will be ready tonight.
Drawing from lessons learned in last week's "Reengineering for Customer
Partnership," I offer to personally deliver ID to her apartment.
10:07 am
Janitor stops by to say he keeps getting strange calls in basement.
Offer to train him on Notes. Begin now. Let him watch console
while I grab a smoke.
1:00 pm
Returned from smoke break. Janitor says phones kept ringing, so he
transferred them to cafeteria lady. I like this guy.
1:05 pm
Big commotion! Support manager falls in hole left where I pulled floor
tiles outside his office door. Stress to him importance of not running
in computer room, even if I do yell "Omigod -- fire!"
1:15 pm
Development Standards Committee calls and complains about 'umlauts' in form
names. Apologizing for the inconvenience, I tell them I will fix it.
Hang up. Run global search/replace using 'gaksner.'
1:20 pm
Mary Hairnet from cafeteria calls. Says she keeps getting calls for
"Notice Loads" or "NoLoad Goats," she's not sure, couldn't hear over
industrial-grade blender. Tell her it was probably "Lettuce Nodes."
Maybe the food distributor with a new product? She thinks about it and
hangs up.
2:00 pm
Legal secretary calls and says she lost password. Ask her to check in
her purse, floor of car, bathroom counter, etc. Tell her it probably
fell out the back of her PC. Suggest she put duct tape over all of the
air vents she can find on the PC. Grudgingly offer to create new ID for
her while she does that.
2:49 pm
Janitor comes back. Wants more lessons. I take off rest of day.
Wednesday ----
8:30 am
Irate user from sales calls to say chipset has nothing to do with fonts on
form. Tell them Of course, they should have been checking "Bitset," not
"Chipset." Sheepish user apologizes and hangs up.
9:10 am
Support manager, with foot in cast, returns to office. Schedules 10:00
am meeting with me. User calls and wants to talk to support manager
about terrible help at support desk. Tell them manager about to go into
meeting. Sometimes, life hands you material…
9:35 am
Irate user from sales calls to say he can't find any info on "Bitset."
Tell him to run the "Bitset" recovery utility FORMAT.
10:00 am
Call Louie in janitorial services to cover for me. Go to support
manager's office. He says he can't dismiss me but can suggest several
lateral career moves. Most involve farm implements in third-world
countries with moderate to heavy political turmoil. By and by, I ask if
he's aware of new bug which takes full-text indexed random e-mail databases
and puts all references to furry handcuffs and Bambi Boomer in Marketing on
the corporate Web page. Meeting abruptly adjourned. Supervisor
nervously reaches for mouse and Tums. He fires off browser.
10:02 am
Sales manager calls. Says they received error message "Error accessing
Drive 0." Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to
Microsupport. She sounds really angry.
10:30 am
Tell Louie he's doing a great job. Offer to show him mainframe corporate
PBX system sometime.
11:00 am
Lunch.
4:55 pm
Return from lunch.
5:00 pm
Shift change; Going home.
Thursday ----
8:00 am
New guy ("Marvin") started today. "Nice plaids" I offer. Show him
server room, wiring closet and technical library. Set him up with IBM
PC-XT. Tell him to quit whining, Notes runs the same in both monochrome
and color.
8:27 am
New guy's PC finishes booting. Tell him I'll create new ID for him.
Set password parameters: minimum password length = 64, mixed case, mixed
alpha-numeric characters, no valid words, no keyboard patterns. Go grab
smoke.
9:30 am
Introduce Louie the janitor to Marvin. "Nice plaids" Louie comments.
Is this guy great or what?!
11:00 am
Beat Louie in dominos game. Louie leaves. Fish spare dominos out
of sleeves ("Always have backups"). User calls, says Accounting server
is down. Untie Ethernet cable from radio antenna (better reception) and
plug back into hub. Tell user to try again. Another happy customer!
11:55 am
Brief Marvin on Corporate Policy 98.022.01: "Whereas all new employee
beginning on days ending in 'Y' shall enjoy all proper aspects with said
corporation, said new employee is obligated to provide sustenance and relief
to senior technical analyst on shift." Marvin doubts. I point to
"Corporate Policy" database (a fine piece of work, if I say so myself!).
"Remember, that's DOUBLE pepperoni and NO peppers!" I yell to Marvin as he
steps over open floor tile to get to exit door.
1:00 pm
Oooooh! Pizza makes me so sleepy…
4:30 pm
Wake from refreshing nap. Catch Marvin scanning want ads.
5:00 pm
Shift change. Flick HR's server off and on several times (just testing
the On/Off button…). See ya tomorrow.
Friday ----
8:00 am
Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR server. Told
them it worked fine before I left.
9:00 am
Marvin still not here. Decide I might start answering these calls
myself. Unforward phones from Mailroom.
9:02 am
Yep. A user call. Users in Chicago can't replicate. Me
and the Ouiji board determine it's sunspots. Tell them to call
communications.
9:30 am
Good God, another user! They're like ants. Says he's in Seattle
and can't replicate with Chicago. Tell him it's sunspots, but with a
two hour difference. Suggest he reset the time on the server back two
hours.
10:17 am
Atlanta calls. Says they can't route mail to Seattle. Tell them
to set server ahead three hours.
11:00 am
E-mail from corporate says for everybody to quit resetting the time on their
servers. I change the date stamp and forward it to Cleveland.
11:20 am
Finish @CoffeeMake macro. Put phone back on hook.
11:23 am
Cleveland calls, asks what day it is.
11:25 am
Support manager stops by to say Marvin called in to quit. "So hard to
get good help…" I respond. Support manager says he has appointment with
orthopedic doctor this afternoon, and asks if I mind sitting in on the weekly
department head meeting for him. "No Problem!"
11:30 am
Call Louie and tell him opportunity knocks and he's invited to a meeting this
afternoon. "Yeah, sure. You can bring your snuff" I tell him.
12:00 am
Lunch.
3:00 pm
Return from lunch. Start full backups on UNIX server. Route them
to device NULL to make them fast.
3:02 pm
Full weekly backups done. Man, I love modern technology!
3:05 pm
Look in support manager's contact management database. Cancel 3:15 pm
appointment for him. He really should be at home resting, you know.
3:10 pm
New user calls. Says he wants to learn how to create a connection
document. Tell them to run connection document utility CTRL-ALT-DEL.
Says PC rebooted. Tell them to call microsupport.
3:15 pm
Support manager calls to say mix-up at doctor's office means appointment
canceled. Says he's just going to go on home. Ask him if he's
seen corporate Web page lately?
3:30 pm
Another (novice) user calls. Says periodic macro not working.
Suggest they place @DeleteDocument at end of formula. Promise to send
them document addendum, which says so.
4:00 pm
Finish changing foreground color in all documents to white. Also set
point size to "2" in help databases.
4:30 pm
User calls to say they can't see anything in documents. Tell them to
go to view, do an "edit -- select all", hit delete key and then refresh.
Promise to send them document addendum, which says so.
4:45 pm
Another user calls. Says they can't read help documents. Tell
them I'll fix it. Hang up. Change font to Wingdings.
4:58 pm
Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens. Not (too) much
after the sparks stop.
5:00 pm
Night shift shows up. Tell them that the hub is acting funny and to have
a good weekend.